Realistic Dating

The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World

Have you noticed the trend?

You ever notice how on programs like "The Bachelor" most of their dating episodes are via limousine escort?

They travel to lavish destinations amid scenic splendor. The sunsets are so beautiful you can almost hear nature singing its own rendition of, "Love Is A Many Splendid Thing."

You rarely ever even see a rainy day.

In "Sleepless In Seattle," the audience was left "Speechless in New York" atop the Empire State Building. The climactic romantic interlude that followed is one that will be etched in the memory of movie-lovers for a long time to come.

In "Sabrina," the audience feels the eloquent charm and ambience of Paris.

"You've Got Mail" spammed us with the scenic elegance and grandeur of all that's good in and around "The Big Apple".

If you really want to be depressed, sit and watch some of the workout programs that abound. Watch as brisk morning breezes enrapture the velvety clouds tracing the horizon from the backdrops of scenic vistas and ocean views. Who couldn't be motivated to work out?

We easily become captivated by "Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous," "Cribs," and the latest craze of "Extreme Make Over-Home Edition," dreaming if only...

Watch a few of the music videos that abound at VH1, MTV and BET. You will see more money, lavish diamonds, fancy fashions, flashy gold jewelry, expensive limousines and other fine automobiles watching these music video programs for one hour than most people will see in the average lifetime.

All commercials seem to have the same goal in mind to make us feel that their product is the missing link to our imminent happiness.

We live in a Black Tie Affair World!

No wonder so many people struggle with comparisons.

When one becomes enamored by the glitz and the glamour so prevalent in our culture, it is easy to feel relationally shortchanged and cheated in life.

This Black-Tie-Affair mindset causes many couples to strive to keep up with the Joneses to the point of being maxed out to the hilt in financial demise from debt. Money issues are cited as one of the biggest reasons for the breakdown in the family leading to divorce.

Are you struggling with the fantasy?

Are you confused with all the hoopla?

Is this life reality?

Is this relational reality?

Is it reality?

If it is, I must be missing something. I must have made a wrong turn in the road somewhere. Most of the families I know must have made the wrong turn with me.

Although my wife and I love each other very much, much of our relationship life is spent, well, INFORMALLY NORMAL. A day in the life for most couples is spent:

Punching the old inevitable time clock.
Doing the dishes and the laundry.
Cooking.
Paying bills.
Fighting colds, headaches and fatigue.
Changing diapers.
Bathing the kids and getting them ready for bed.
Getting up the next day and doing it all over again.

Most of the world struggles with getting up, getting old, getting fat, getting sick or simply getting by.

So, do yourself a favor. Stop buying in to all the hoopla and falsehood. If you get caught in this web of deceit, you just may miss out on what really matters - faith, family, character and integrity.

The last time I checked, love wasn't defined by the word MONEY.

For words that better define love you may want to consider: commitment, sacrifice, support, unselfishness, home building, encouragement, forgiveness, planning and working together.

Maybe a bit informal and normal...maybe not as flashy as dollar signs...but ironically, a lot richer!

About the Author

Stanley Leffew is the author of, "How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime." His website, Advice for Lifetime Relationships is based on this same theme showing why leading-with-the-body in relationships feeds desire but fails to satisfy the longing of the heart for love, companionship and intimacy.